Ask Alton - Atlanta Magazine

December 2008

Dear Alton,

My son is bringing his vegetarian girlfriend to Christmas dinner this year. I’m obviously going to have to think beyond my usual holiday ham, but I have no idea where to start. Any ideas?
Judith McHenry

Dear Judith-

If your family was all vegetarian and your son was bringing his omnivorous girlfriend to dinner would you feel the necessity to prepare a ham or a turkey or some other hunk of beast? I doubt it. The way I see it your responsibility to “obviously” provide an alternative, meat-free entrée might be valid if the young lady suffered from some sort of meat allergy. But she doesn’t. Her dietary condition results from socio-political dietary free will. She is a guest and as such should accept the hospitality of your table with grace. If she doesn’t want the ham she can eat the side dishes and an extra piece of pie. Do not coddle her or your son for that matter. It’s your family and your kitchen…run it lady.

Here’s what I would do: I’d prepare a hearty wild rice pilaf containing wild rice, legumes (lentils perhaps) and meaty mushrooms such as portobellos. Everyone could enjoy such a dish and you wouldn’t be doing something just for one person. And don’t forget a nice mac and cheese which goes fabulously with ham. I’d suggest a deep dish baked version constructed with a touch of nutmeg and good English cheddar. I’d probably make sure there was some bacon grease hidden in there too but that’s me.

Seriously, I can respect personal decisions like vegetarianism but I can’t respect the bad manners that often unfold when people who make such personal choices take it out on their hosts. That’s food terrorism and none of us should negotiate with terrorists.

November 2008

Mr. Brown,

Last week I bought some beautiful pork chops at Harry’s and cooked them up for my wife and my visiting mother in law (a lovely woman…really). I grilled this porky offering to perfection but my visiting kin wouldn’t eat it because it was barely pink in the middle. I had to literally burn it to cinders before she’d stop going on about trichinosis. What’s the deal?

XXX

Mr. XXX,

I’m not going to get all CSI on this but rest assured trichinosis (or trichinellosis) is nasty business. It’s caused by little worms that…well all you need to know is that their larva can end up in your muscles which is a very nasty bit of business indeed. The most common way to run afoul of these wee beasties is to eat a critter that ran into them first. The list of possible hosts includes a wide array of carnivores from pigs and horses, seals, cougars, and bears, oh my.

Here are two pieces of good news for pork lovers:

1) Due to changes in commercial pork management trichinosis is practically nonexistent in modern hog herds. In fact, of the mere 74 U.S. originating cases of trichinosis reported to the CDC between 1997-2001, most were related to the consumption of home raised pork and wild game. (Cougar jerky has been implicated more than once.)

2) The beasties that cause trichinosis can’t survive temperatures beyond 137° F. So if you use a thermometer that’s even close to accurate and cook your chops to 145° F (right in the middle of the “medium” range), you should be in the clear.

Since modern pork is nearly as lean as chicken, cooking to medium is probably the best thing you can do to preserve it’s flavor other than brining it. But that’s a story for another time.

Tell your mother-n-law she’ll eat her pork and she’ll like it. You have to be firm with these people ya know.